


Too Much + Never Enough

by neverminetohold



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Character Interpretation, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brotherhood: Final Fantasy XV, Drabble Sequence, Episode Related, Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV (2016), Minor Character Death, One Shot Collection, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parting Ways: Final Fantasy XV (Drama CD), Rating May Change, Spoilers, Warnings May Change, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-12 16:20:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9080218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverminetohold/pseuds/neverminetohold
Summary: Ignorance was bliss for young Noctis, until the moment the Marilith tore the veil from his eyes and forced him to see far beyond the pool of blood that was spreading around him.





	1. Daydream's End

The moment his body hit the earth, Anna's arm curled protectively around him even in death, time seemed to stretch into endless seconds. He counted their passing like a stranger, both detached and observant.

He felt blades of grass tickle his bare arms and knees. His legs and lungs were burning from exertion. Something warm and slick soaked into his clothes. He rubbed his fingers together, found them sticky with blood. He tasted copper on his lips, inhaled the acrid smell of an exploding car as metal and plastic went up in flames. They flickered hypnotically right in front of his eyes, with a core of deep blue that thinned into yellow-white and orange-rimmed gold, its hungrily lashing tongues consumed blackened skin and cracked the bones of men he had known for years.

Anna's warmth, that he had leaned into on the ride back from their Sunday excursion, faded into a stiff coldness that frightened him in a distant way, like an unpleasant but unavoidable fate he too would soon have to face.

He blinked slowly, saw through the red sheen that stung his eyes a looming vastness full of gleaming sparks that drifted like shards of shattered glass. That place felt like ice and darkness and familiar, like the murals in the Royal Tomb he had once visited.

It recognized him, for he followed in the footsteps of the many who had come before...

Then it was gone, already forgotten, and Noctis' vision resolved itself around _her_. She swayed to and fro, her lower body coiling tightly with the soft scrape of what garments she wore and her own scales. Her face was one of wrath, the visage of a cruel queen torn from a savage and ancient past.

Their eyes met, both flat with incomprehension, yet hers held a spark of madness and hatred that made the whole of Eos her enemy. Noctis was no threat to her, just a grievously wounded child, but he breathed, was a creature of blessed light -- and that was more than reason enough for any daemon to rend and slaughter.

The Marilith became still, her sixfold arms and swords poised to attack, a near careless downward swipe that was blocked and smashed aside by a hail of ghostly blades.

While his father's men pulled him away from the shelter of Anna's corpse and began to try and staunch the flow of blood from his injuries, Noctis watched the ensuing fight. He felt like he had done that for the longest time, except now he _saw._

xxx

Noctis woke up in a cocoon of warmth. He lay in his own bed, under layers of fresh linen and an additional, even softer blanket. He could tell that he was wearing his favorite pajama, the one with prints of fluffy kittens.

He did not dare move, because beneath the fabric there was the pressure of tightly wrapped bandages. His leg and lower back throbbed with a dull pain that rose and fell in waves that left him nauseous. Noctis swallowed around the loud clicking of a dry throat, tasting the bitter traces of medicine on his tongue.

He slowly turned his head, saw his father sitting at his bedside, pale and drawn after what may have been more than one sleepless night. Noctis watched as relief and an emotion far more tender smoothed away new lines of worry.

He knew that his father loved him, but that knowledge tended to fade into the background, drowned out by the formal rites of the royal protocol and a king's duties, the all-important service to the people of Lucis that, for Noctis, translated into long absences and lonely meals eaten under the ever watchful eyes of servants.

As prince, he _knew_ , but that didn't mean he understood.

"Father..."

"Noct." Regis took his hand, gently squeezed it between his own; the ring on his finger as always curiously warm. "I won't let anyone hurt you."

Suddenly, he felt tired, his lids too heavy to keep his eyes open. Noctis drifted back to sleep, allowed the sudden rush of time to wash him away before shock and grief and loss could touch him.

In the years to come he would often remember his father's words for the comfort and strength they offered. Not once would Noctis call him out on his lie.

They both meant to be kind.


	2. Knowledge

Ignis reached over to place Shiva's likeness on the grid, thereby capturing the last blue card in the game, since its rank was of a lesser numerical value. Then he flipped the Cactuar upside down to mark its conversion.  
  
"Congratulations," Noctis mumbled, barely looking up from where his fingers worried the bed linen only to smooth the creases out again.  
  
Ignis inclined his head. "Thank you, Noct."  
  
Despite what people of only a passing acquaintance with the prince might have assumed, Noctis had always been a graceful loser. - And a lively child, to the point where he had 'kidnapped' Ignis mere moments after his arrival at the Citadel.  
  
Now, in the aftermath of the assassination attempt, Ignis found his young charge changed in such a profound manner that it worried not only him but affected the whole palace. Noctis had taken to staring off into the middle distance, to avoiding looking at people as if afraid of what he might see if he dared, and he also rarely talked without being addressed first.  
  
King Regis, though his composure never once failed him in public, could be found wandering the corridors at night, either on his way to or from his son's quarters, where he would stand at his bedside and listen to him breathe for hours.  
  
Therapy sessions had been first discussed then scheduled, with only the coming visit to Tenebrae delaying them. For his own part, there was nothing to be done but try and distract Noctis from at least the physical discomfort, to keep him company, while avoiding acting too much like an overbearing 'mother hen.'  
  
Ignis tried yet again to catch his eye, but Noctis, sitting propped up by a small mountain of pillows, pretended to be focused on the panorama view of Insomnia outside the window. "Another game, perhaps?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Very well." Ignis adjusted his glasses, used the movement to hide his expression that surely betrayed his momentary frustration. Never before had he felt so helpless and desperate to do _something_. "Let me just put this away, then."  
  
Perhaps his emotions had shone through in his tone despite his best efforts, because Ignis could feel Noctis' eyes on him while he gathered the cards, foldable grid and Gil coin, which they used to flip for the first move, into the Triple Triad carton.  
  
"Ignis... you... I just...," Noctis trailed off, his lips pressing into a thin, unhappy line.  
  
"There is no need to force yourself," Ignis assured him. "Whenever you are ready, I'll be here."  
  
"I know. Thanks, Iggy." Noctis flashed a quick smile in his general direction. "Hey, you got homework, right? Want to do it now? You seem tired, is all."  
  
Ignis felt the first traces of relief. A Noctis who still tried to reach out and comfort him, who had not failed to notice how he spent all his free time here, and thus concluded that he must be relegating his assignments to the late evening hours, could not have changed in any way that truly mattered.  
  
"A very thoughtful suggestion," Ignis praised, and reached for his satchel that was quite heavy on account of all the extra courses he took.  
  
"You can use my desk," Noctis offered in a rush of words.  
  
It seemed hardly proper to answer that he had no intention of leaving. While Noctis had been very fond of Anna, her... replacement, for some obscure reason, seemed to frighten the young prince. Once he had realized that, Ignis had memorized her duty roster.  
  
"Are you quite certain that it will be no trouble?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Very well. Then I thank you for the kind offer."  
  
Ignis took a seat at the mahogany desk and spread his homework out along its right-hand edge in neat stacks ordered in a ranking system based on time sensitivity. He lost himself quickly in formulae and facts, the scratch of his pen on paper, and the lowly hummed tune that drifted towards him from the bed.  
  
He finally allowed himself to relax. The advertising jingle of Wiz Chocobo Post that Noctis' hushed voice managed to mangle seemed nothing short of a good omen.


	3. First Impressions

Lunafreya Nox Fleuret, Princess of Tenebrae and Eos' future Oracle, seemed nothing short of intimidating upon their first meeting.  
  
Not physically, of course. She may have been four years his senior, but she was a _girl_ , after all. So far as her looks were concerned, Noctis had no real opinion, aside from the fact that she was cute in a delicate, almost unearthly way.  
  
Maybe it had been the sunlight streaming into the room, illuminating her from behind, making her white dress glow and fair hair gleam golden...  
  
His father wouldn't have understood his problem with her, of course. To him, Lunafreya was the embodiment of everything someone of royal blood should be: well-spoken, self-assured, dignified, polite - the list went on.  
  
Even without seeing it, Noctis had felt it pass over his head, that apologetic look of fond exasperation those two had exchanged after his fumbling attempt at an introduction. After, she had been really nice and patient with him. But it hadn't made him feel any better, because she was a reminder of every single moment where he had failed to live up to his father's expectations.  
  
Noctis could have really done without another one of those.  
  
Perhaps, as they said, the perfect servant was the one you never saw, but they certainly did like to talk and gossip and criticize him whenever Noctis had his back turned. Well, not all of them. Old Jared never failed to be 'a dear' as Iris put it.  
  
Her and Lunafreya, just trying to compare the two made Noctis head spin. Seeing someone roughly their age acting like a shrunken adult was a little... creepy.  
  
Noctis sighed loudly and rolled over onto his left side, ignoring the throbbing pulse that rushed through his wounds. He was thinking too much. But the bed felt strange, too huge and unfamiliar to fall asleep in, and the room was full of weird shadows.  
  
Well, he would need to make an effort to get some rest. With Lunafreya, too.  
  
Prince Noctis. King Noctis. Your Highness. Your Majesty. _Noct_. Princess Lunafreya. Queen Lunafreya. Oracle Lunafreya... Stupid titles. But - her brother, Ravus, he had called her 'Luna' earlier.  
  
For the first time in over a week, Noctis looked forward to the next day with a grin. He just had to try and find the girl named Luna underneath all those pompous, solemn, oh so important titles.


	4. Fate

"Our fate cannot be changed," Luna declared, her conviction only slightly marred by the fact that she was squinting and frowning.  
  
The tip of her tongue poked out between her lips, so focused was she on a particularly stubborn sylleblossom stem that refused to bend enough to be braided into the flower chain she was weaving for him.  
  
Noctis grimaced and chewed faster. He could hardly reply with his cheeks bulging outwards like a hamster's. - He really needed to ask for the recipe for this stuff and get Ignis to bake it for him every day back home.  
  
Pryna and Umbra had led them to the clearing where they now sat on a blanket, making flower crowns and having a picnic of sorts with cocoa and cakes. The sunny meadow lay deep within the shelter of Tenebrae's forest, so maneuvering the wheelchair over the rough terrain and past raised tree roots hadn't been easy. But, looking at the patches of blue flowers in full bloom, that smelled as sweet as honey, and the dogs racing each other in circles, it had definitely been worth a stubbed toe and aching arms.  
  
Besides, as much as the cleansing rituals that Queen Sylva performed helped him heal, he had been bored out of his mind, what with being confined to his bed afterwards. Being allowed to watch his favorite anime and discovering that Luna was also a big fan of "Final Fantasy VII" - and Tifa, while he rooted for Cloud - had helped him deal, but nothing beat some fresh air and exploring.  
  
"I think," Noctis said, his mouth finally being empty, "that you should say what you wish for even if it won't come true."  
  
Luna seemed to consider this while her fingers deftly finished to braid the stems' ends together to form a circlet. "Why?"  
  
Noctis leaned closer and felt the light weight of the sylleblossom crown settle on the top of his head. He shrugged, careful not to dislodge it, feeling suddenly very shy to be the focus of Luna's smiling attention.  
  
"To stay true to yourself... I guess."  
  
Pryna chose that moment to trot over and Luna scratched her behind one fluffy ear. "I don't know..."  
  
It was Noctis' turn to frown. To him it was like... like... as if Luna knew that _something_ would happen, just not when. So she held her breath in anticipation and startled every time she dared to forget about it for even a second. It must have been an Oracle thing.  
  
He had no clue how anyone could bear to live like that.


End file.
